Everyone Gets a Pie

Have you heard that dialogue from 3 Idiots? “Dost fail ho jaye toh dukh hota hai, lekin dost 1st aa jaye toh zyada dukh hota hai”. Translation, when your friend fails an exam, you're sad (for them), but when your friend tops the examination, you're sadder (for yourself).

Everyone would laugh at this dialogue but when I watched this movie, I was 13 and had two thoughts.

1. Is this really true? Do we really feel bad at someone else’s success?

2. If it is, then why are we openly admitting it? Because, that is a terrible thing to feel or say, isn’t it?

Everyone laughed because it was a true feeling that almost all of us have experienced at some time in our lives. But have you ever wondered where this universal feeling stems from? Most of us have grown up in an environment that encourages comparison and therefore, competition. We are competing in every aspect of our life and the baseline drilled in us is - if someone has more, it means you have less. This permeates to all areas of life, and to a large extent, someone else’s win feels like a loss on your part. This sort of mentality where you cannot help but focus your attention on how you seem to be lagging behind in life, or how you appear to have less than your peers, is called scarcity mindset. We all have been conditioned to believe that any resources in this world are finite and if someone else gets it, then we automatically do not.

As if life is a pie and if your friend gets a bigger piece, that leaves a little less for you. When in reality each and every one of us gets a pie, and the beauty of it is that we can make it to order. Someone can get a rhubarb pie, a cherry pie, an apple pie or someone may even get a chicken pot pie, point being, everyone gets a pie, no debates there. Sure, someone may get it earlier than others but that doesn’t necessarily mean their’s is better. The pie you get, is best for you. And the menu is not limited at all, nope, if you can think it, you can get it. It is up to you to know what you’d like and then ask for it. Do what you need to do to get the pie, try a flavour, and if it is not to your liking, have the courage to admit it is not for you and the conviction to not rest until you do find the best flavour for you. Don’t feel bad when you see some extra toppings on someone else’s pie, that only means that there are more of those toppings in the back there somewhere, and it is possible for you to get it too, if only you have the conviction that good things can happen for you as well.

So just because your friend is acing an exam, doesn’t mean you’ve fallen behind. Maybe it is time to accept that we are not running the same race. That’s why our achievements will look very different from one another. Isn’t that the beauty of life, the uniqueness with which each of us can live? So with this awareness, can you believe that if someone gets something good in life, it can happen for you as well? Because opportunities are not finite, they are abundantly available. It is like the sun, the air, the beautiful view we enjoy, the laughter we share. Abundance mindset begins with being grateful for what you have today, most of us used to pray for our present life a few years ago, and now we live it. Can you say, “I am so glad I got all my prayers answered and my dreams fulfilled”, that is essentially you accepting that everyone gets a pie, you’re looking at yours and being grateful for it, relishing each bite as you go.

Next time when you look at someone else’s brand new house in a nice neighbourhood, or a good promotion with a pay raise they get, or a luxury car they buy, the vacations they're enjoying, the happy family they have, the loving partner they've got, the peace of mind they seem to hold, or simply the range of appreciation and attention they receive (add to this list whatever makes you envious of others), rather than feeling a sense of lack and being quietly resentful of them, while terrorising yourself thinking “what have I done wrong to not deserve it”, can we have a reframe here?

And say, “oh that’s amazing for them that they got this! That’s incredible, I am so happy to know that this is a possibility for me as well.” Next time, don’t be a miser with your compliments, appreciate others the way you’d want yourself to be encouraged. And then work towards making it happen for you, channelise your energy towards acting on your own goals and then be patient and wait your turn, your pie is coming right up!